I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
