do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
