You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
