but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
