Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
