Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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