there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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