I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
