Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
