theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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