So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
