I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
