Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
