Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
