Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
