also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
