i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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