so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
