Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
