you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
