Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
