I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
