I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
