curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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