i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
