I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
