just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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