i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
