We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
