I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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