hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
