im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
