I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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