at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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