my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
