You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
