I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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