We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
