I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
