did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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