did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
