either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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