dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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