either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
