Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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