THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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