I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
