I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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