I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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