My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
