I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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