I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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