Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
