So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
